The Chase

Why is it that the one we want is never the one that shows us the most attention? I have been no stranger to the dating app scene these past few months and there seemed to be a recurring trend. The men on these apps belong to two groups, no grey area. They either were so desperate to be in relationships that they moved too fast…or on the flip side were so wary of being in a relationship that they were interested in hooking up only. Where is the middle ground?

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As a woman in her late 20’s I find myself really wanting to need a man. I’m at the age where I’m surrounded by weddings, babies, and engagements on my daily newsfeed. So I decided to try these apps since I knew of numerous friends that joined them as well. I was warned of the creeps and perverts. I had hour long discussions with my guy friends about how “girls like me” should never be on these hook-up apps. Despite the advisory tales I pioneered on.

Guy #1: The Hook Up

I only saw him between the hours of midnight and 3am, usually after my plans fell through with my girls. He was fun! Loved to party and could hold his own drinking (there is nothing more unattractive than a man who you have to babysit). I never met his friends, he never was introduced to mine. Didn’t care to. Something about a man in his mid 30’s with no real relationships to date gave off the warning signs. Guy #1 had a job related to having fun. Don’t get me wrong, I think that’s great! However long term stability doesn’t stem from 24 hour benders. This was the guy who sent me the 11:30pm, “hey you…” texts. The one who as soon as his name popped up on my phone I would screen shot the notification and send it to my girls with the eye roll emoji. There is a certain ease with non-commitment. I didn’t mind what I was wearing or if my makeup was perfect when meeting Guy #1.

Guy #2: Boyfriend Wannabe

This guy was just too much. You know, it’s funny how us girls are. We say we want the constant attention, the unending correspondence. Not true. Guy #2 was just too sweet. He contacted me daily. Knew my friends names; though I didn’t dare to introduce them in fear he would get the wrong impression. He was the perfect homemaker, the perfect catch. Guy #2 would cook, clean, and was extremely thoughtful on a consistent basis. Anything that I would think to say or do for a boyfriend, he would do for me. There is something to be said for opposites attracting. We were just too similar, he had too many nurturing qualities. This also was the guy I would receive messages from and roll my eyes. Not from a place of sarcasm, but simply from a “too good to be true” standpoint. He was unreal. That butterfly feeling just wasn’t there because I was never made to miss him.

Both of the men above were introduced to me through modern day apps. The one, of course, that ceases to loose my attention I met through a primitive form of a dating app over 7 years ago. I introduce to you…

Guy #3: Catch Me If You Can

Where do I begin? He truly knows how to play the game. This is the guy that is super sweet for 2 weeks, then goes ghost for 2 months. The one that you want to wait for but you know you shouldn’t. Guy #3 is the one who is the total UNATTAINABLE package. I have been in and out of relationships during these years knowing of him, yet after all this time he still peaks my interest. But who is to say that a relationship is even realistic with Guy #3? To be honest, I’ve never seen him in a functional one. He is private, keeps his business to himself. Has a great job; keeps long-time friends. He is worldly and well travelled. And just when you forget about how potentially awesome it would be to be around him… BAM! The “hey, how’ve you been” text comes through. This man is just around. Elusive enough to be in the back of your mind at all times.

So the chase continues. I still have active dating profiles in the spirit of research and in the hopes that I’ll make an actual connection. Realistically it’s all just fun and games. The ones that want us we don’t want. The ones that we want are paying us no mind. It just happens to be a never-ending cycle. All I know is that my girls in committed relationships take an indescribable joy from swiping to and fro on my phone for me. If that’s all I get from this, then that’s just fine with me too.

If you want to check out more on Jo, the author of this piece: 

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