Q: I’m just a ‘Plain Jane’ from Pennsylvania. I’ve never felt beautiful and confident about myself. There was a time in my life when I was very pretty and fit… but I was still self conscious. Now I’m overweight and feel even more depressed about my weight. You are beautiful, confident, and appear to have a great heart. Can you give my some insight or suggestions on what to do? I’ve heard all the cliche “find motivation” “believe in your beauty” comments… I’m looking for solid advice. Thanks.
Hi there! First of all, thank you so much for reading my blog and taking the time to write in. It means the world to me that people actually care to write me.
I wanted to address your particular email because I wanted you to know, you are not the only one that feels like that. I hear so many girls use the exact same words you did and its heartbreaking. Im not an expert on the matter so take my words with a grain of salt and keep in mind that they are just my thoughts and I could absolutely be completely wrong.
I guess my first question I would ask is how did you become overweight? was it a certain life event? genes? a gradual occurrence?
Then I would ask you to work through why you were still insecure when you felt you were at your best? But honestly, some of the most beautiful women Ive ever met, legit supermodels, are the most insecure. I have my own theory why this is a common occurrence with beautiful women but I don’t want to get off the topic at hand. My honest advice for you would be to talk to a few different people:
1. A nutritionist to help guide you in the right direction of what you should be eating, how much and how often. I recently sent my mom to a nutritionist and she’s lost 14 pounds in two weeks. AND, they are usually covered by insurance.
2. A trainer to show you some exercises that work great for your body. I understand that some people cannot afford a trainer but most gyms offer one free training session so you can get an idea of what you need to be doing and not wasting time and energy and seeing no results.
3. A therapist. Honestly, therapists are great at helping you work through barriers and especially when it comes to loving yourself in a healthy way.
Now like you said, I can tell you believe in yourself and accept who you are but NO. If you don’t like something, you have the power to change it. So write down what is holding you back from making the necessary changes and if you have obstacles, come up with solutions. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy, and we end up in this never ending pity party for ourselves and I am just as guilty of this as anyone else. All that does is push people away. Ive experienced that and its no fun because you can go even lower once friends start to distance themselves or you can pull yourself together and be stronger and make changes.
And don’t call yourself a plain jane. Im sure there is something unique about you that people dont know. That sets you apart. Bring that side of you out more. Hang with people that don’t think your a plain jane and that build you up. Start cutting negative things out of your life that make you sad. Just make changes. If you don’t like something, find a way to change it. That is honestly the best advice I could probably give anyone. The best part of being an adult is having complete control of your life and your experiences. So take control. Dont sit at home and wallow. Stay busy and stay active and youll see your mood improve.
Hope this helps.