Should women make the first move?

The topic of dating has always intrigued me. I’ve read a lot of books on the subject and feel as if I’ve experienced a lot more ups and downs in the dating world than most 27 years olds out there.

I recently read a book called “The Rules” that talked about the rules of engagement when it comes to dating. It was a pretty insightful read about how men should always make the first move and how women will make every excuse in the world to contact a man they like. I have to admit, a lot of the excuses given, I’ve shamefully used in the past. What I don’t think men realize is that women are just as nervous (or more so) as men are. We are much more in our heads and the amount of thoughts that constantly pass through our minds would be exhausting to men.

It was recently pointed out to me by a guy friend that through his use of Tinder he realized how little game women have. He wasn’t being rude he was making a valid point. Women don’t have that much “game” or “pickup tactics” because we don’t need to. Men are mainly the aggressors and of course there are general exceptions but still the statement stands. I firmly believe “game” comes with practice and if women don’t have much opportunity to practice we can’t be any good at something. So when do we really get a chance to practice our “moves?” Well, the only thing I can remember that dates back to my high school days is the Sadie Hawkins dance. For those of you that don’t know what that is, its a formal dance where the girls ask the guys to the dance. That’s the only time it’s socially acceptable to ask the boys to a dance. So society is engraining in our mind that women much wait for the men to make the first move.

I see a small problem with that strategy. With all these social media apps and dating sites, women are now doing the reaching out and men just stand by and wait for them to come their way. There are so many girls that will send naked photos to strange men, it makes my head spin. How are they not scared that guys might post the photo somewhere else or share it with friends? Are you that in need of attention that you show your naked body to a stranger through a private message? The world has definitely changed and I don’t think parents have caught up on all the latest technology to better inform their children about all the consequences the Internet has to offer.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m definitely not a prude and I’m all for girl power, but the way some girl behave these days is making me think all inhibitions have gone out the window. So if women are taking a stand and becoming the aggressor aren’t men going to just stand back and wait? In that case, will the women that still have more “old-school” values be left waiting and single?

It’s an interesting topic to me because I personally don’t care to be the one that makes the first move. At the same time though, I don’t get openly hit on much either. Of course there is the online marriage proposals on Instagram and although they are quite sweet I don’t take a stranger asking me to marry them very seriously. So I wait for Mr. Right to walk into my life. Still waiting…

What I really wanted to hit on is a point the book made that really left an impression on me. The topic of who initiates contact first. If a guy does than a girl knows for sure that he’s interested. Girls won’t typically go out with a guy unless they are interested. If a girl initiates contact first, a guy might be flattered or bored and agree to a date. They go out and after the date the girl never hears from him. Now is it because the guy assumes the girl will continue to initiate going forward or he’s actually not interested. If he’s not interested the girl will usually make some excuse to contact him after not hearing back for a few days. “I just wanted to tell you I had a great time last night” or “I wanted to give you the number of that great accountant I told you about.” ALL excuses to make that phone call or send that text. What the book says is, making that second round of contact, you are just prolonging the inevitable and the guy might see you a few more times until ultimately dropping off your radar BECAUSE he wasn’t interested in the first place. So women ultimately cause their own pain by not being patient and old school? Hmm…

I’m going to keep my opinion to myself and will ask you guys to give yours.

xo,