The Complexities of Ghosting

Single for almost a year now, I am no stranger to the dating scene. In that regard I have been the ghoster and the ghostee. You may be asking yourself… what exactly is “going ghost”?

Ghosting –

The act of doing nothing and being hard to find. 

Also said as: to ghost, ghost, go ghost.

In dating, ghosting consists of appearing really into someone then disappearing off the face of the planet.

So why would a mature adult ever do such a thing as cease all communication abruptly with someone they once spent the time dating? I definitely can not answer for the male side of this phenomenon. I however, have shamefully been the ghoster. I guess it all boils down to communication and not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings. For a fact, my communication with men is NOT a strong point. Text messages are analyzed panel-style with my group of girls so I don’t place my emoji foot directly into my wide eyed emoji face mouth.

In one particular instance I did face my weakness after seeing someone for about 3 months. Since my work schedule is tumultuous and I have a terrible follow through, I would only meet this man once every two weeks. Oozing sweetness each date, no matter how I tried I just wasn’t into him. So after one Chardonnay filled night I was honest and I told him.

He just wasn’t having it.

I expressed that I wasn’t attracted to him in that way. I told him I thought we should keep in contact as friends since he was a great interesting person and we never crossed the physical line. He said I wasn’t giving him a chance and insisted we try to continue to date. So in the weeks to follow the pushy texts continued. Which each exchange I grew more and more tired of explaining my feelings. So instead of taking a strong stand I went ghost.

Now you may be wondering how exactly does one go about going ghost?

Step 1 – Slowly stop answering calls/texts/replying to social media correspondence

Step 2 – Replace person’s name in phone with “DNA” (Do Not Answer) because… out of sight, out of mind

Step 3 – After about a full month of partial ghost (if necessary) go full ghost and delete person off all social media accounts

Now I still get the occasional text from this man. And I really feel terrible about the whole thing. In my defense, I did express the truth. His willingness to accept the truth was a whole other story. Which leads me to the other end of the spectrum.. being ghosted.

Recently, I was seeing someone that I was really into. At first he said all the right things. He made time in his busy schedule to see me, even cancelled some plans one day to spend more time with me. I carefully expressed my interest in him while still giving him his space and freedom. At the one month mark all hell broke loose.

He started taking days to reply to texts, then would hit me with the “hey stranger”. Wouldn’t attempt to make dates with me anymore. He still would inquire what I was up to or how my day was going then wouldn’t continue the conversation. Then while on a recent trip out of town I wrote two texts to him. Nothing. Not a word; no three dots pending a response. Just dead air. Three weeks later he texts saying he’d like to meet up. The ghost had resurrected.

A forgiving person may have responded. I however am at the point of quitting on Las Vegas dating as a whole. Why respond when I know it’s a cycle? It just so happened to be my turn to receive the random “hello” text. The rotation of the roster is a real thing for both genders. In this generation the act of dating comes with many available choices. Just like there is another option around the corner, you become the “almost but never” girl. The girl who meets many of their wants but isn’t their first choice. Hence the partial ghosting…

So what is your opinion on going ghost? Is it appropriate in dating? And is it becoming too common of a way to end contact? Leave your thoughts below!

By,

Jo Olivier 

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xo,