I’ve been holding off writing on this topic because I felt I couldn’t write about it from a neutral perspective. However, I hear more and more stories of wonderful women meeting men and it all going south after a short time and I wanted to say my piece.
What is happening in a man’s mind from the point of him being completely infatuated with a woman and him slowly losing interest down the line? It seems like the good girls can’t keep a guy’s interest for long. Why is that? Why do men prefer the girls who play games?
I understand men liking the chase, but after a point it gets old and nice girls start liking the guy and decide the time for games has gone. That’s when the guy starts losing interest. When he knows you like him. How messed up is that? I get extremely frustrated with this. Every guy will tell you they hate games when it’s actually quite the opposite. They need to constantly chase something. Their inner hunter comes out and you need to give them something to hunt.
That gets old quickly though and eventually girls stop running and there ends the “honeymoon” stage of a relationship (if you even got to that point). I noticed the girls who are more free-spirited tend to keep a man’s interest longer. Why you might ask? Is it because they go with the flow and don’t constantly try to immediately put a label on something? Is it because they might not have as much pride as other women and when their friends inevitably ask that annoying question, “So, are you guys together?” they don’t mind saying that it’s new and they are taking it day by day?
This brings me to my other point of friends ruining what doesn’t even have a chance to become a relationship. They all mean well, I know, but I also know that all you ladies reading this are sitting there nodding your head because you’ve been there. You’ve had your girlfriends ask THOSE questions:
- Are you guys an item?
- Are you exclusive?
- Is he your boyfriend?
- When will you hang out next?
- Do you hear from him every day?
- Does he text you sweet nothings at random times unprompted by you….
If any guy is reading this, you are probably laughing or thinking women think too much. Let’s be real, most men think women are crazy so, yeah. Back to what I was talking about. Friends. They tend to get in our heads. They unintentionally place expectations where there might not have been any. They cloud your judgement and make you second-guess what you thought was a great thing might not be so great after all. They don’t mean to do this, but let’s face it, it happens all the time. Next thing you know, you’re getting passive-aggressive with the guy and he gets fed up. Then you have no idea what when wrong?? Mhmm.
So drop the expectations and go with the flow.
Now another one of my friends told me, men like bitchy girls and frankly its kind of true! I see it with my guy friends. They like the girls who ignore them and forget to text them back and cancel plans because something better came along. Now, none of these guys are ready for any type of commitment so maybe that’s why those type of girls are attractive. No commitment. No expectations. See a pattern??
Men don’t like responsibility. They want to do things for you because they want to or because it was their idea. As soon as we mention that we want something they naturally almost go the opposite way out of instinct. It’s ridiculous but true. They don’t want to be nagged. Men and women function completely opposite to one another. It’s actually quite fascinating. Men are so in the moment with their feeling and actions and women are always reminiscing in the past, analyzing the present and planning the future. Exhausting right? Possibly for men but for women it’s our natural state.
So how do men and women come to be together you ask? Well, I have no idea, or I would actually be in a relationship right now. However, if I was going to speculate, I would say that for men it’s more of a timing thing. When they feel like they are ready to settle down, it’s not a matter of finding that perfect girl but the girl who is convenient. Women are opposite. We are on a constant quest to find Mr. Right and often times Mr. Right isn’t ready right then. So we complain there aren’t any good men out there and continue on our journey. Eventually, everyone will meet a person who is in the same stage of life as them and it will work out.
Here ends my rant for the night but I’m very curious to hear people’s thoughts on this. Men and women. So don’t be shy and speak your mind! We all want to know.
Wil Szeto
September 10, 2015This is an interesting read because I’m a guy and all I hear is the nice guys finish last cliché and never thought women would have the same problem.
I can’t say 100% agree with you about guys liking only bitchy women because personally I prefer a nice girl over ones that like to play hard to get. But I do understand where this point is coming from because generally speaking nice girls are the less physically attractive than the hot, bitchy ones(of course there are girls who are genuinely nice, good, beautiful and funny, I know a few and low key infatuated with one-but I digress) It’s literally in the human male evolution to try to pass down our genetics as long as possible, therefore we tend to gravitate towards the hotter ones. It’s the equivalent of girls preferring the bad boy asshole over the nice guy, because those bad boys assholes seem more macho and evolution of the female human dictates that those are the ones that can protect/provide for a family.
And this part might get a little sexist. It’s true that we don’t like getting nagged at and like to do things when we feel like it or “it was our idea” because that is how society dictated how a boy should grow up, independently. We were told to not cry, look out for younger siblings (if you were the oldest one–think American Sniper, the flashback scene where kyle got in a fight protecting his little brother).
So when our lady friend tells us to do something it cringes us because that independence is sorta taken away. That’s why most guy only look for the Miss right nows and not the Mrs right.
But we all know as soon as the guy finds Mrs (Always)Right the guy will do in all his power to keep her happy. Happy wife,happy life.
Idk that’s my two cents, but what do I know I’m just a guy patiently waiting for my Mrs Right
PS. I can’t sleep either lol
E
September 11, 2015Your problem is you don’t separate sex and love when talking about dudes here. Guys chase mean girls, even girls they find very annoying and no way in hell would want to be in a relationship with too…. for sex, not for a relationship. She doesn’t even have to be too sexy, some dudes find getting ignored and mixed signals a turn-on. Most adult guys do not like games if they have feelings for the girl, if it’s just sex, that’s another story, chasing and games might make everything more exciting. The same guy might get annoyed by your games if he really likes you but be up for the games of another woman he just wants to have sex with. If it’s just sexual attraction when the chase phase ends (when they have sex for once or for some months, totally depends on how much the guy was looking for), he will lose his interest because he was mainly sexually interested in her in the first place and now the sex got old. Even the hottest woman will be boring after a while if the attraction was only or mainly sexual. When women say stuff like, “This woman is bitchy, yet she gets so much romance and gestures.” you need to understand the guy is not doing those gestures in a meaningful “I really like you and want to make you happy” way. He’s doing it in a “You like when I do these cute things, so when I do these things or say these things it might make you want to have sex with me” way. Not every romantic act or getting a woman spoiled is out of love or for love. Not in the eyes of all men.
A lot of guys have a “fooling around” period. Some guys’ never end, most guys’ end at one point. Before they are done, they will likely avoid the women who SEEM like they would want a relationship. Unless the guy is an asshole and would be okay with breaking her heart just to get laid. That’s also why too free-spirited women can indeed be more appealing in the eyes of those dudes, they don’t strike as they would necessarily want a relationship. Your best shot, ladies, if you are looking for a meaningful relationship, be open about it and don’t play any games. If you are looking for a relationship, say that to the guy. If he’s mature enough and are interested in you enough, they won’t freak out by the talk. If he is only sexually attracted to you he might stop coming after you which will only make you save time. He might still pretend like he has feelings for you to get laid though, not gonna lie, some guys are selfish jerks, but if you are experienced enough, you will probably understand he’s actually lying and says he’s up for a relationship when he’s not. And do try to date the guys you are compatible with. Date someone with similar interests and lifestyle as you. A guy who is quite different than you will probably not want to be in a relationship with you, you are not compatible, although he might pretend like it is the case to get you in bed.
There are always exceptions but this is the general situation.
Andreea
September 11, 2015This is probably the most helpful thing I have heard. I wish you would write for my blog as a correspondent. If you are interested, email me at andreea@nipsandtips.com
Chrismarq8
September 11, 2015So many directions to go with this topic. And, it goes both ways for guys and girls. I can only speak on my own experience and observation but, I’ve pursued all types of girls and in the end, I know I don’t like/want drama, or a girl who plays games, I think most would agree. In short, if a guy loses interest in a nice girl, it’s usually because he was only in it for the sex, or after getting to know her better, he felt there wasn’t enough chemistry for the long haul. Some guys/girls are very picky. Maybe he wasn’t getting the response from you as he hoped or felt you weren’t interested. If I don’t get a response, it’s not that I’m impatient, but how long does one wait before moving on?? Other times, a guy/girl may be dating several people at the same time, which really SUCKS because they can never decide who they truly like and kind of take advantage of the situation. There are so many reasons why a relationship fails in the beginning, my conclusion is if it doesn’t work out, then they weren’t the right person for you anyway. With that said, I just realized I’m blocked or was reported on your IG account. I apologize if I’ve offended you in any way. I’m not sure what I did or said, I know I tagged you on what I felt were beautiful scenic shots of mountains or sunsets, camping…etc. I recall DMing you about camping when you asked about tents, I’m sorry. I’m honestly just trying to meet new people in LA. I kinda suck at it. Anyways, I’m sorry, won’t bother you anymore. Have a good one.
C.
Laila
September 11, 2015After reading this, I have some advice for you. I will start by saying that I’m a 36 year old woman who went through the same thing in my 20’s and even early 30’s. From what little I read, I believe you are either first generation Romanian, or came here as a little girl. I can relate to you, as I am first generation Armenian. Our cultures are very similar, and I’m sure we were raised with similar beliefs in gender roles, and how as women we are supposed to take care of a man. You need to find a man who is family oriented. A man who is family oriented is looking for a woman who was raised in a family like yours. Yes you are Americanized and you’re not some hopeless woman who can’t take care of herself, however; you have adopted the customs from the ‘Old Country’. A family oriented man is looking for a woman who can cook and take care of a family/household. An L.A. party guy is looking for party girls to sleep with. Keep your circle of friends small…preferably other Romanian girls who have similar upbringings and who truly have your back. Stay away from L.A. party girls. I’m guessing you are in your late 20’s, so date men who are about 10 years older and who are looking to settle down and start a family. The right guy won’t play mind games. L.A. can be a wicked place. If you aren’t careful, you will end up as part of the fodder. Don’t waste your youth and beauty in the party scene. Hope this helps.
Johan
September 15, 2015Loving this discussion.
I have found, from my own experience, that I was taught to act in a specific macho way since I was a kid and hide my sensitive and vulnerable side. The social programming lead me to believe that I needed to sleep with a lot of women to really be a man. I like what the guy wrote here before, that you have to be open with what you want from the start. I have met girl, seemingly free spirited and just having casual fun and then they want something more later, and I have been with girls who never want anything else than sexual contact, which is all great if that’s what they want. But when someone play a game, that makes it seem like they don’t want anything serious, and then suddenly switch around and get upset when you don’t meet their expectation, I will walk away. If I was in it purely for the excitement. The few times that I have really fallen for someone, into the beautiful dreamlike reality of love, it has been when you connect on a somewhat spiritual level. When you truly see each other for who you are. When I can be the man who cries and the boy who doesn’t take much seriously. Like the guy said earlier too; someone who share your interests, but even deeper than that, someone who share your values. Someone you merge with emotionally and you grow together. This isn’t something that happens very often and not something you can rush into. So like you said, it becomes toxic when people, and media, are stressing us about labelling anything, before we know in out heart and soul that it’s right. There needn’t be a talk. If it is there, you will both feel it.
Loving your blog. Have a good day in the refreshening rain!
Andreea
September 15, 2015I agree that value and interests are very important and would need to be on the same page as my partner
Katie
September 24, 2015This was an interesting read. I’m a female who’s spent quite a lot of time dating in my 20’s. In my experiences dating the past few years I’ve met my share of nice guys. I do understand why nice guys claim that they finish last and that’s simply because they don’t listen when we tell them we aren’t looking for something serious, just as woman don’t listen when men tell us the same thing. A lot of nice guys in my experiences have enjoyed chasing because of the emotional unavailability, not answering texts, cancelling plans etc. I have to ask myself are we all really that different? I feel we all enjoy the chase to some degree. If we chose to date a man who’s simply in it for the chase and ultimately the sex, we cannot be upset with them when they turn around and don’t want a relationship, just as a nice guy can’t get upset with us when we let them know from the get go what we want and don’t return the same feelings. The signals are there, we just need to stop ignoring them and date someone whos on the same page from the start. People can’t change who they are and nor should you want to change them. There’s plenty of guys/girls out there just stop spending time chasing the wrong ones.
Andreea
September 30, 2015That’s such a great point Katie, we always want to think we are that special person someone will change for.
Robert
September 29, 2015I think it’s because people of both sexes have a warped interpretation that the easier it is to get someone, the less valuable in dating marketplace terms they therefore must be. It’s probably some kind of instinctual thing that, like many other instinctual behaviors, doesn’t create the best outcomes in modern society.
Personally, for me, the hot and bitchy girl is a hookup type of girl.
The hot and sweet girl is someone I actually would be more inclined to want to spend time around.
I personally am skeptical about the real value of relationships on the whole, but if I were to want one, it would be with someone whose company I enjoy, which isn’t the girl who plays a lot of games. I think my behavior in dating is also consistent with what I just wrote as well. It could just be you haven’t found the right type of guy.
Andreea
September 30, 2015I don’t associate not sleeping together right away to playing games. I just think people should get to know each other before they take a step towards further intimacy.
Robert
October 1, 2015True, yet I don’t consider not sleeping together right away to be the same as playing games. There are lots of ways men and women can play games (not texting back right away, bringing up other partners to make the one you’re with jealous, feigning disinterest, etc. etc.) that aren’t related to how soon you sleep together.
R
October 2, 2015Good article.
Guys typically become infatuated with girls right away that they are sexually attracted to. After hooking up several times guys tend to take that girls physical attributes for granted. So if substance beyond physical attraction is not there those feelings of infatuation “honey moon phase” can evaporate quickly. When this happens it is typically because of three things.
1. The guy isn’t ready to settle down. Which he should be upfront with from the start or he is a dick.
2. He has found a girl he is more attracted to that he can date/hook up with.
3. The two partners don’t share common hobbies, humor, goals, values, etc… Sexual attraction is very important but it’s the intangibles that keep the relationship strong past the first few dates/encounters.
“Guys like bitchy girls who play games.. girls who don’t respond right away, ignore them, etc…”
I think some of your guy friends are attracted to “girls who are unavailable” because the girls they are specifically referring to are out of their league. Therefore making themselves “unavailable” to your guy friends. The girl who is “bitchy and unavailable” to a one guy may actually be a really nice person and totally available to a guy she is actually interested in. Girls tend to come across as “bitchy” to guys they are not interested in romantically, but who are still pursuing them. It is easier for a girl to ignore a guy then to be honest and flat out shoot him down since that creates an awkward situation for both parties. Instead of complaining about “bitchy girls” guys should spend time becoming the kind of guy that the girls he wants are attracted to.
Even if a girl has been hooking up with a guy and then she becomes “unavailable” she is probably not a bitch. She has probably just found a better option, and/or the guy has poor self awareness and did something to turn her off that he is not aware of and it was easier for her to leave then confront him about it. In this case the guy should just move on. If she wants to rekindle the flame she will let him know.
The other side is that there are girls who have emotional issues who tend to be more promiscuous and “play games” for the purpose of “playing games”. Guys should avoid these girls if they are looking for a relationship and if they are just looking for sex they should have low expectations and put little effort into dating them because it is typically a headache.
Shiraz
October 20, 2015Let me tell you a secret most women will never realize about men…
There are two things men fear most:
1) losing their freedom
2) A woman’s beauty fading
The first issue is about women getting way too attached to a guy. They don’t have their own path in life, a purpose, or a passion that they’re pursuing and wouldn’t sacrifice anything for.
This gets old, and soon turns into nagging and jealousy from a woman. And this is what men complain about and dump a girl over.
The second is tied to the first in that beyond a woman’s physical beauty, she’s not bringing much else to the table.
As a woman, ask yourself…
Why am I here on earth? To simply have my life revolve around Mr. Right? Or is there something else I’m deeply committed to? A cause, passion, interest, or career that I truly believe will improve the world and that I wouldn’t give up for anything?
I know plenty of “10’s” in my life – women who have done modeling on TV, magazines, runways, get hired for their looks, etc. And I’ll tell you, the ones that I think about most fondly of are the (VERY) few who decided to pursuit something they were truly passionate about – a business idea or cause they fell in love with.
Now this goes both ways of course. Almost exact same thing can be said about men.
All this is tied into the concept of wholeness. When we’re not feeling or being ‘whole’, then we become attached and dependent on the other person. This is draining and it sucks.
And for men who value freedom big time, it scares the living shit out of them. And that’s why they run once they ‘get the girl’.
And this is one of the reasons I tell any girl I get into a relationship with that she’s not responsible for my happiness. I let her off the hook. I don’t need her to be a certain way or act a certain way. I’m responsible for my own happiness!
Muia Kigondu
October 21, 2015Words of wisdom
Andreea
October 28, 2015I completely agree with everything you said and have very similar thoughts myself
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