Many of us want to have successful relationships. It’s something we all strive for but figuring out what the best foundation for a successful relationship isn’t always easy.
Obviously, attraction plays a great role in what initially grabs our attention but what comes after that? There’s a saying by Lao Tzu, “the flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long.” Often times we find that the people we are most attracted to are not necessarily the best match for us. The attraction might be very strong but without a great foundation it will quickly fade or turn to hatred and frustration. Then, we often chase that flame that has already dwindled, desperately trying to bring it back to life. Even if we do get it to burn again for a short period of time, it’s never as bright and it is never the same.
So does this mean that the only people we will have a successful relationship with are those that we are moderately attracted to? No, but we must create a good foundation for that relationship. Often times, when creating that foundation you will realize who is a good match and who is not.
In my opinion, the best foundation for a successful relationship is that of friendship. Having mutual respect for one another, common interests, similar morals and great communication are key components to a strong friendship and ultimately a successful relationship.
Does that mean that you will not fight and have disagreements? Definitely not, but you will be able to get over those arguments and missundersatndings in a healthy way. When people have a great deal of respect for each other, they don’t need to resort to name calling and screaming to get their point across. Actually, it’s been proven that both men and women, but especially men, respond better to a friendly, conversational tone then an agressive one. Also, we often say things we don’t mean in the heat of the moment and words are something we can never take back.
So take your time. If you’ve met someone that sparks your interest, take the time to get to know them. Even if the attraction is strong, try and focus on their qualities and traits and see if those work for you long term. Do things you both enjoy and have experiences. Sharing moments and memories might seem trivial now, especially if you are young, but as you get older, you realize memories are all you have.
When you can sit and laugh and have a conversation about shared interests and moments, time just flys and ultimately love will grow there. That’s the right kind of love in my opinion. One based on other factors other than appearance and attraction and sexuality. Although those other factors are important, they shouldn’t be major deciding factors, especially if your ready for a real relationship.