I grew up hearing the saying “opposites attract.” Then you go to school and you’re shown how magnets work in science class and that notion starts to sink in. But is it really relevant to people in relationships?
I’ve always been attracted to men that were very different from me personality wise but at the same time had similar interests. I guess I always figured being in a realtionship with a guy that has the exact same personality as me would be quite boring. If I can predict how you’re going to react before you have time to react, well you can become extremely manipulative or extremely complacent. So why do we pick people that are complete opposites to us?
I asked a few people and their answers were very surprising! One guy said that he wanted a girl to keep things interesting and that meant being completely different than him in every way. Different ethnicity, different interests, different career paths, even different cities!! So my question to him was: “how do you make it work?” He responded with: “it didn’t work, we broke up.” Hmmm, so that’s strike one. Another gentleman (in his 40s), said he prefers a woman that is different in her way of thinking and opinions because he likes to be challenged mentally. So I asked him if he’s ever found that woman and he responded with “yes I did, my ex-wife.” Ok, so that’s strike two. This isn’t looking too good for the opposites attract theory. I also asked quite a few girls and one woman ( in her 20s) responded with “dating someone vastly different keeps things spicy.” “Spicy in bed?” I asked and she said, “yes, of course, what did you think I meant?” So my follow up question to her was, “but how does that pan out relationship wise?” and she said “oh well those arn’t the guys you date.” Strike three!!!
Obviously the amount of people I polled isn’t a accurate depiction of the general population but one pattern was pretty clear. Opposites definitely attract but don’t work. They are fun and exciting in the short run but for a long term connection there has to be depth and more common ground.
Now, I know there will always be exceptions, but looking back at my past experiences I tend to agree. When you want to have fun different can be good, even a learning process but when you want a partnership you need shared interests or at least shared morals. Two vastly different people will always be leading parallel lives and will never truly feel connected. Having types the sentence before, a question popped in my mind. If we date people that are complete opposites to us, does that mean we are not subconsciously ready to settle down? On the flip side, when we start looking with people that share commonalities with us, does it mean we are ready to commit to a longer term relationship?
Mom curious what you guys think?