Sex on the first date? NO!

Thinking about having sex on the first date? Don’t!

Whether you are a guy or a girl reading this, the answer stays the same. Guys, you know that in most cases, if a girl sleeps with you on the first date, then you won’t see her in the same light even if you were primarily interested in dating her. And ladies, if you have sex with a guy your first time around, you will not feel good about it the next day even if you both enjoyed it and will be left wondering if you ruined any chance of anything serious down the line.

So how do we get ourselves in those complicated situations where it ends up in sex on the first date? Well, let us start by not having your first “hangout” be at either of your places. What are you even thinking? The first meeting is always a bit awkward and you don’t know the other person’s living situation until you get there. What if they live in a studio apartment and the only  place to sit is on their bed! How awkward. What if they have annoying animals that make you uncomfortable or that you might be allergic to? So pick a more public location. Go to a coffee shop or a bar, that way, if he or she is not your type then you have an easy out when the drink is over. Another great atmosphere for a first time hangout is a group setting. Invite a few friends on a hike or a some other group activity. That way your sole focus isn’t on that other person, but you will definitely be able to tell whether you guys hit it off and then hang out solo.

So let’s say you didn’t do any of the above and you ended up in a heavy make-out situation and you see it quickly progressing to a sexual situation. How do you put a stop to it without ruining things? Maybe you like that person but didn’t see yourself having sex with them right away. You don’t want to ruin anything with them by hurting their feelings but you have to say something before all the clothes come off. Guys, you are probably reading this thinking, “I would never need to stop something from prematurely progressing sexually.” Honestly though, unless you are looking to get laid and that’s it, we both know sex before there’s a real connection ruins things. So don’t be selfish and respect that girl enough to put both of you in check. Start pulling away from the make-out scenario and maybe start giving little pecks or sweet closed mouth kisses and smiling. That lets them know you are obviously enjoying yourself but got carried away. Throw in a little giggle or laugh so the atmosphere stays playful and light. If the other person isn’t recognizing what you’re doing then pull a little away and take them by the hand and suggest a fun activity you both could do at the moment. Not sex people! We are trying to avoid that!! Shish. This will definitely let them know you are putting a stop to what’s obviously coming but you want to continue your hangout session.

So let’s say you have successfully stopped “the sex” from occurring but the other person got so upset and made it awkward or pushed it far beyond where you were starting to be turned off. That’s a major red flag and you should drop them and never look back. They obviously were not interested in anything more then sex. Anyone who respects you and takes you seriously might want to get into your pants right away maybe because of physical attraction but will understand and not be bothered if you want to take things slow and get to know one another.

Getting to know a new person and seeing your attraction to them grow is such an amazing thing and we often skip over that step or spend very little time getting to know people before we hop into bed with them. Just because we live in a fast world doesn’t mean you need to be fast. Go at your own pace and the people that are supposed to be in your life will still be there when you are ready.

xo,